Traveling while gay

Most of us decide where to visit based on many factors, like expense, amenities, cultural experiences, landscape. But I recently decided to ask friends of mine who are gay what they look for in a vacation.

I asked them a series of questions I hoped would provide better insight into how they decide where to travel and what happens when they do. Some of those questions are listed below, and the most frequent answers provided are summarized in parentheses. Other question topics are discussed within the article.

1) Do you feel you approach travel planning any differently than straight folks? (Sometimes, as in planning gay-oriented vacations, and – for one couple – being childless, we tend to look for more adult venues).

2) What do you look for first in a destination? (Someplace we will be comfortable that satisfies a curiosity of some type – art, history, culture or gay-related).

3) Do you weigh consideration of how accepted you and your partner will be in that community? (Yes)

4) Do you travel as an openly gay couple, or do you conceal that fact? (Open, but not obvious)

5) Do you prefer to vacation in groups catering to gays, such as gay cruises and sponsored events? (Take at least one gay-themed vacation a year in order to be free of inhibitions and self-censorship)

6) Have you ever used a travel agent or service specializing in gay travel? (Yes – was particularly helpful the first time seeking a gay cruise)

7) Do you consult with gay-centric newspapers and guide books to inform your decisions? (Yes, everywhere we go!)

For the record, it’s estimated that the gay travel market represents $47.3 billion dollars – that’s billion with a “B” – and accounts for approximately 10% of all travel dollars. Many vendors and communities are increasingly and aggressively courting this demographic. While a straight person might immediately name San Francisco, Key West, Miami and Providence, RI as prime spots for gay couples to congregate in, places as diverse as Quebec, ON, Puerto Rico, France and Disney World have gotten serious about welcoming gays and lesbians.

In my research I found that the most frequent complaint gay couples had was about hospitality staff members assuming they were business associates and/or relatives and not partners. This can lead to some embarrassment when the clerk reading a reservation with a single bed decides there’s been a mistake. This may be why some homosexual couples prefer to travel to locations renowned for accepting, or even celebrating, alternative lifestyles.

But just as a European eventually wants to see beyond their Old World borders, most gay travelers tell me that first and foremost, they want to experience the world around them for the exact same reasons that straight folks do – to see that fabulous museum, visit an ancient site, or ski, scuba, bike or hike that great destination. Doing that in an environment where they feel free to explore without prejudice, is, unfortunately, often seen as icing on the cake.

There are still large parts of the world where homosexuality is frowned upon or even against the law. Some countries are surprising schizophrenic – Belize, Grenada, Jamaica and Fiji are among those that outlaw relations between men, but not women. And the penalties can be harsh –in the popular close-by islands of Antigua and Barbados, homosexuality is punishable by up 15 years imprisonment. In Guyana, male partners risk life in jail. Although Americans like to think of themselves as tolerant and modern, consider this: homosexuality has never been against the law in Viet Nam. (The U.S. did not make homosexuality legal in all states until a 2003 Supreme Court ruling – that does not apply to the armed services, which are treated as a separate case).

So, I asked my friends, would you risk traveling to such a location if it housed an event or site you really wanted to see? Most were non-committal, saying it depended on too many individual parameters. At least person said that fear of strict laws and harsh repercussions would deter them.

I also asked, do you ever avoid areas that have been in the news, or are noted for, anti-gay acts or attitudes? The consensus seemed to be they would travel there but try not to draw attention to their sexual orientation. Interestingly enough, in my sample audience, locations known for encouraging gay rights (such as legal marriage) did not appear to have any additional appeal to travelers, unless the intent was to marry.

Another criticism I’ve heard in the past is that travel specialists and resort staffs stereotype gays – expecting all gay men to be feminine and assuming lesbian women won’t appreciate spa services. Since the gay community is comprised of a very diverse group, innkeepers, resorts, and travel specialists fall into the same trap in stereotyping them as they do with any other gross over-generalization.

My focus group of friends agreed that the best way to attract gay tourists was simply to be the best whitewater rafting company or spa resort possible, and to treat clients with dignity and without assumptions. As one member put it, “Like anyone else, we appreciate quality, good service and great value.” Apparently there’s been a lot of progress – in general, many of my gay friends could not recall being overtly discriminated against because of their sexual orientation. Either that, or they just choose their locations wisely.

I then asked my friends to name some places they would recommend to other gay men or women, and to explain why the experience was remarkable. Was it because the locals were non-judgmental, or because the sights themselves made-up for any perceived bias? And, of course, what was your worst experience?

The group was divided on some aspects of this.

Many said they felt their recommendations would be the same as almost any traveler, emphasizing that they aren’t very different from others in their travel desires – wanting to see famous sites and enjoy pleasurable accommodations. They tend to book from mainstream travel sources and visit the same, generally popular, destinations without a thought about the gay aspect. They talked about vacations that were great because they finally saw the Mona Lisa or took that wine tasting tour.

Others felt gay-specific vacations definitely provided a superior travel experience and one they would highly recommend. This group stated that they prefer at least occasionally to travel in the company of fellow homosexuals or pick resorts, cruises or other options offered especially to them because they like the immense freedom and no stress factor. Singles overwhelming chose areas known for gay nightclubs and entertainment in much the same way that straight males flock to certain infamous Spring Break locales.

The funniest answer came from a male friend describing his worst experience ever. The facility didn’t seem to care about any guests – an attitude that, in some twisted fashion, was reassuring. He explains, “We booked a suite, but they didn’t have the type we reserved. Many clerks would have looked across the counter and offered two separate rooms. This guy said the facility had one ‘mini-suite’ left, and we could take it or leave it. Not having to explain we were romantic partners in a crowded lobby was a welcome relief – even if he made the offer because the hotel was cheap, not sensitive.” The rest of his description mirrors many of the vacations horrors we’ve all had (gay or straight) – a hurricane, no electricity, a misunderstanding on the bill.

Like all minorities, the gay community often finds itself stereotyped, insulted and unwelcome — in life, and on vacation. Putting up with such behavior when you’re supposed to be on holiday should be unacceptable, but the reality is that many gays still face daunting decisions about how and where to spend their leisure time.

However, one friend provided a quote that is as hopeful as it is refreshing: “We have generally found that within this country, even when we are in areas thought to be very anti-gay, we are not disrespected. My expectations for how challenging life would be as a gay man as I embarked on coming out have never been met. Non-gay people the world over rise well above the behavior that the stereotypical expectation would predict.”

And that I think says it best – once we all get beyond the stereotypes, we can discover how truly alike we are, and have some fun.

The audience is invited to share their thoughts and suggestions, as well as any stories about their travel experiences.

Tagged as: gay travel