By now I’m accustomed to all sorts of things that can go wrong in booking a room. The room with a view … of the office building next door. The ‘non-smoking room’ with the tell-tale smoky staleness that my asthmatic husband can sniff out, even if no one else can. (PSSST! Hotels, the non-smoking thing is mainly a benefit for folks more sensitive to such things than managers and maids, so a quick re-labeling won’t work). I’ve encountered mix-ups on how many beds are needed, or what floor or amenities a disabled guest requires.
I recently faced a new problem — no heat. My experience in the Land of Lakes was not just a matter of a missing ‘amenity,’ (heat) but also a matter of the near total indifference with which it was addressed.
My husband and I were in Minneapolis for medical tests he needed and, for convenience, stayed at the Radisson across the street from the hospital. I was already miserable with what would be diagnosed upon return as a raging sinus and ear infection that had bloomed from a cold I’d endured for two weeks. We got in late and, since it was almost midnight, I was looking forward to taking my medication and falling into a nice warm cozy bed.
I sensed something was wrong the minute I pushed open the door to our fifth floor room. Was that air conditioning they had on? It seems that in the land of a million hardy Scandinavian descendants, the Minnesotans like to keep everything frigid. Oh, well, I shut the air off and turned the knob to ‘heat’ and … nothing happened. I looked around the room to see if there was some other mechanism to try. No luck. I scooted into the bath for a scalding shower to warm up and asked my husband to call the front desk. Even as I was prepared to do it, I dreaded having to change rooms that late.
So imagine my response when I emerge from my warm foggy cocoon of a bath to be told that the hotel had no heat.
NO HEAT? THEY…HAVE…NO…HEAT??? I ask in bewilderment. What kind of hotel has no heat?
I called the front desk myself. Not because I doubted my husband, but because I needed a personal explanation for such a calamity, and unlike him, I was prepared to go into bitch mode to get some stinkin’ heat, because otherwise I would be miserable all night.
My inquiry was met with what amounted to boredom. After at first providing no reasonable explanation, upon my repeated complaints, the night manager told me that the entire hotel had a heating system that was designed to be switched on at a later, scheduled date. For efficiency.
More like cost, I’ll bet. And for the record, someone else (another manager I presumed) to whom I was referred, told me with no detectable signs of remorse or empathy that they really didn’t think the hotel had a responsibility to tell those booking rooms during the ‘unheated’ seasons that there would be no heat.
Now, maybe those bloodless folks in the north are used to braving colder temperatures, but I have a news flash for the hotel industry – many folks staying in a facility are not locals!
And thus, here I was in Minnesota, not used to being blasted with refrigerator temps in late September. Just as in the tropics I might expect some air conditioning for visitors, even if the locals play tennis in 90 to 100 degree environments.
I was hardly alone in my discomfort. There’s an Applebee’s within the hotel and, while eating there, I heard numerous complaints about how cold the place was — including my own. The staff informed me the restaurant couldn’t address the problem because the hotel controlled the climate of the whole facility.
In the end, and only after a conversation that made me sound like a harpy when all I wanted was something north of 62 degrees, the front desk sent several staffers up with an assortment of blankets and, finally, a space heater. Which begs the question, why didn’t they just offer that in the first place?
So, on top of all the questions you might have to ask (or have your travel agent ask) about a facility, (and here’s my list of some usual questions) -
Extra resort charges, availability of spas and gyms, presence of indoor or outdoor pools, what the refund policy is, how close (or far) they honestly are from an airport or beach or other attraction, what they define as a ‘suite,’ can I give back the mini-bar key?, do they allow pets and/or children?, do they charge for parking, are they gay-friendly (something you might want to know if you have children, or if you’re gay), do they have an elevator or disabled access, etc.
You might also ask if they have heat, or air, or water for that matter. Feel free to discuss your hotel experiences and what you found missing.
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Regarding the next-to-last paragraph. I hope the reason you’d want to inquire about a hotel’s gay friendliness, if you have children, is because you want to teach your children to boycott homophobia. (Otherwise, I would fear that your imagination is running away with you.)
@Joe
As a mother of very young children, I’d ask about a ‘gay friendly’ policy because my child is still so young, he might see something and ask questions that I’m not prepared to explain to a 4 year old. (I remember asking my parents at about age 6 in San Fran “why are those two guys are kissing.)”
I stayed in a very nice inn in Key West when he was 2 1/2 – the guy taking my reservation informed me after I told him that it would be 2 adults and 1 child (& without my asking) that the facility was gay friendly – he was not bothered in the least that it might be something someone with young children would want to avoid. We stayed there and had a lovely time.
I have nothing against gays, and for the record, plenty of straight people do things I’d rather not explain to my child.
@Joe DeRose Yes, I would have to agree. The phrasing of that sentence needs some reworking. Most of us are in a hotel for the same reason you are. To find a horizontal surface and get some SLEEP after a long day.
@Joe
There are folks out there who would not want to explain to their children the public displays of affection of a homosexual couple. Whether you agree with their stance on that or not, they are perfectly within their rights to raise their children the way they see fit. I believe that Laura is simply pointing out that, if this is indeed an important factor for you, it would behoove you to ask the hotel beforehand. Perhaps not the most politically correct example to give, but important to some nonetheless.
I’ve heard of hotels in the South U.S. and Sourthern Europe that don’t turn on the air-conditioning until the “summer months” begin, i.e., June-August. But for anyone who’s been to those states or countries know that summer may begin or end outside of those month ranges. I guess it’s good to never assume anything!
While the parallels between whether a building has functional air-conditioning and heat may seem obvious, there is one big difference. Most municipalities have laws regarding providing heat and if the temperature drops below a certain point, that building better have functional heat. During the colder winter months, you find many stories in the news about landlords getting into trouble when the furnace is not working or is not fixed within a reasonable amount of time.
I think a letter to the corporate office explaining that it was xx degrees outside and the hotel only provided air conditioning and not heat should get you a little extra for your discomfort.
I don’t think the question pertained to how Laura would want to raise her children. But think about it – with sexual preference being a protected class, what hotel is going to risk a discrimination lawsuit and say they are not gay-friendly? No matter where you go, you are going to see gay people who wish to express their love the way straight people do. Whether the hotel supports it or not is irrelevant. The hotel will do nothing to support your or your child’s discomfort from seing gay people when you are not prepared to talk about it. Perhaps the thoughts should begin gearing toward what to say when the inevitable questions come.
And what does ‘gay-friendly’ have to do with ‘allowing inappropriate behavior in public’? Or why would a gay person be any more likely to behave inappropriately than a straight person?
I’d say there’s an equal number of people engaging in unnecessary PDAs on both sides of that particular fence.
are they gay-friendly (something you might want to know if you have children, or if you’re gay), do they have an elevator or disabled access, etc.
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Wow, this comment reeks of HOMOPHOBIA.
Gay-friendly HOORAY! Undisciplined squalling brats that take over the whole hotel – I’d rather sleep in my car. My kids did not behave that way and my grandchild doesn’t either. At four they knew that some kids have two mommies and/or two daddies. PDAs that shouldn’t be in public are inappropriate no matter the genders of the couples. Holding hands or kissing or hugging is fine in my opinion. Making out in public is not.
So you were so traumatized by seeing two guys kiss when you were six that you now have to warn parents against potentially gay-friendly hotels? Is your plan to keep your kids from seeing anything outside your insular world forever? That’s great.
Just to clarify, and again, I did not ask the hotel if they were gay-friendly – they offered the info – there are hotels in Key West that, during a certain time of year, have what amounts to a gay Mardi Gras, and, just as girlfriends out on a bacherlorette party might behave a little more outre than usual, the crowds for this event can get a lttile ‘rowdy.’ Another inn explained to me they didn’t allow children during that week because they allowed full nudity at the pool. I’m not a prude (nor was I traumatized at 6) but I included the info because we have a wide audience. Whether I agree with the parenting style of others or not, it does fall within an individual parent’s purview to decide when, if and how they will explain certain things to their children, especially regarding sexuality.
I wish some folks would realize we write for a very wide audience and stop inferring various attributes to the authors personally.
Laura–on your last paragraph, “I wish some folks would realize we write for a very wide audience and stop inferring various attributes to the authors personally” — I wish you well on that, because there are some people that will find offense no matter what you say or do not say.
Take, for instance, Frank’s comment. He immediately thinks you are homophobic as opposed to warning parents whose beliefs frown upon homosexuality that they should ask about such things. So instead of realizing that you are just looking out for your readership, he just throws in his opinion without thought.
Just keep up the good work and try not to let those type of folks rattle you.
You do have a tendency to stick your foot in your mouth, even if you don’t intend to. I understood what you were trying to say, but what you never say is “forgive me for creating a misunderstanding.” That would help.
In Italy, heating undergoes obliged days and hours – depending on the location. For example, in Milan heat can’t be turned on before October 15th and after April 15th and for no more than 14 hours a day; in Sicily, that’s November and March, just to make you understand. And exceptions are rare – Milan had December temperatures in the first two weeks of this October, but no heating was allowed. So please check with the hotel before booking, if you’re coming down to Italy in fall/winter. Air conditioning instead doesn’t undergo any legal limitation, so you can always ask your hotel to enforce it, no matter the time of the year.
In my city the main mall has a large food court. I do not believe I have ever observed any PDA between gays and rarely any indication a couple is gay. In fact PDA between heteros are rare. However what is common and daily are numerous squalling babies entirely ignored by their parent, children dashing madly back and forth among the tables,rowdy teenagers and adults conversing and cellphoning at top volume and sometimes screaming to each olther 10-20 feet away. If the ONLY “problem” were an occasional PDA between same sex couples, I say bring it on. Then we could eat our lunch in peace..
Take, for instance, Frank’s comment. He immediately thinks you are homophobic as opposed to warning parents whose beliefs frown upon homosexuality that they should ask about such things. So instead of realizing that you are just looking out for your readership, he just throws in his opinion without thought.
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Actually TIM, I never said that. I said the “comment reeks of homophobia”. I NEVER mentioned Laura.
And, being one of her readers, I found that “comment”, INSULTING.
Laura,
While I take your statement about not being homophobic at face value, I can nonetheless see how including whether a hotel is gay-friendly in a list of things to ask about could provoke such a reaction. As you noted, plenty of heterosexuals also engage in behavior you’d rather not explain to a child of that age – but that’s never on anyone’s “list” of things to look out for.
Might I suggest, instead, that if concern for your child is the real issue, you simply rephrase that question to hotels in the future: “I’m traveling with a 4-year old child. Is the atmosphere in the hotel kid-friendly, or is this a more adult place than might be appropriate for a child his age?” It covers the gay events on the one or two weekends a year, and it also covers the trashy “almost having sex in public” straight couples the other 50 weeks.
kevin – you said it so perfectly and peacefully! I am going to remember what you wrote in case this topic comes up again in other venues.
Laura – I’m not going to quibble, but I didn’t INFER – you recommended asking about gay-friendliness to parents who worried about their children being exposed to experiences that needed to be explained, as your parents needed to explain when you were six. I get that there is a broad audience to this site and to your advice. I’m just saying that you may be underestimating the number of people who are increasingly uninterested in your hints to finding hotels that …don’t cater to gay people. I know you backtrack in your folllowups but in your original post , it is just about whether a hotel is “gay friendly”. As has been said before, if you don’t want a party hotel, that’s a whole other question.
Laura responded to my post by email, and while I’m not going to just reprint it here (I would feel obligated to ask her permission for that), I would like to address a few points she made.
>>I also included questions about the disabled, yet no one inferred I was disabled. And, I mentioned you might want to know if a facility was gay friendly if you’re gay, but no one inferred I was gay.<>Seems to me that, like reverse racism, only overly sensitive people
people looking to create issues read any homophobia into this.<>And, ironically, the gay manager that infiormed me the facility was ‘gay friendly’ was concerned that as a parent I would want to know – I
didn’t ask him for that info, he offered it.<<
My guess is, he followed that specifically with hints as to the kind of behavior which might be encountered – and THAT should have been the trigger of concern for the child, not that the hotel welcomed gay couples. Or a follow-up question to his comment ("Do you mean you simply don't discriminate and welcome everyone, or are you saying that at times, there may be public behavior which neither of us would want a 4-year old to witness?") would be reasonable. Perhaps that's what happened, and you just used the "gay friendly" phrase as shorthand for "adult behavior" – but that shorthand is what is offensive in the first place.
okay, I don’t want to belabor this but I just want to add one thing, which I also sent to Laura in response to an email. I don’t think she understood what I was saying but I just want to put it out here too:
“I think what I would have liked to have heard from you is that you understand that what you originally posted was entirely different than ascertaining whether a hotel is likely to offer a small child a sexually inappropriate experience. In fact, I think the broad audience of this site would be well served to know how to ask about this without sounding like a homophobe. Your advice did not offer this. “
Wow Laura,
That reminds me of my first trip to Ukraine, still in the throes of Communist system even though officially it was dead.
We were in the aptly named ‘Hotel Anartika’ right on the Black Sea.
It was at the end of October 1994 and it was freezing!
They also had never heard of weather stripping and as a habit kept the hallway windows open for ventilation.
But at our request—“no heat we do not need to turn it on until beginning of December.”
But they at least had an excuse—no money, and a bad system of management (the whole country).
What is disconcerting is that as you mentioned your husband’s asthma, sleeping in that cold could easily have given him bronchitis; not fun especially when he was going for tests.
One last thing, my ENT recommended a solution of ½ rubbing alcohol and white vinegar to put in the ears when you feel the early stages of an ear ache coming.
This has worked for me.