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stephen_s
07-06-2005, 02:32 PM
Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on Frequency 124.7."

Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the end of the runway."

Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, Contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?"

Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger, and yes, we copied Eastern ... we've already notified our caterers."
================================================== ==

A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll after touching down.

San Jose Tower noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway if you are able ... If not, take the Guadalupe exit off Highway
101, make a right at the lights, and return to the airport."

================================================== ==

Flight 113 was descending for a landing at an airport they had never been to before. The pilot looked out the windshield and suddenly exclaimed to the copilot, "Holy cow! Look how short the runway is! I`ve never seen one that short!"

The copilot looked out the windshield. "Wow! you`re right! That`s incredible! Are you sure we can make it?" "Well we better, were almost out of fuel."

So the captain got on the intercom and notified the passengers to put their heads between their knees and prepare for an emergency landing. Then he set the flaps to full down and slowed the plane to just over stall speed. The big jumbo jet came
screaming in, on the ragged edge of control. The pilot`s hands were sweating, the copilot was praying. They touched down and came screeching to a halt JUST before the edge of the runway, the tires smoking.

"WHEW! That was CLOSE!" yelled the captain."That runway was SHORT!" "Yeah!" said the copilot,"and WIDE too!"

BYOFT
07-07-2005, 09:28 AM
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:


I always love these! Thanks for posting. The last one is a new one for me!


:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

mishka422
07-07-2005, 11:20 AM
Those are fantastic!!! I haven't ever heard any of them and I thought I had heard them all!

SemiFreqFlyer
07-11-2005, 02:59 PM
Speaking of not new, I think I first heard the last one some time in the 1970's from my flight instructor. It went like this:

Tower: Cessna Student Pilot cleared to land on runway 18, wind 090 at 30 knots.

Cessna: I don’t like that crosswind. What are my runway choices?

Tower: We only have one runway, 18-36.

Cessna: How big is it?

Tower: 10,000 feet long and 150 feet wide.

Student Pilot: I don’t like it. I want another choice.

Irritated Tower: OK Cessna, cleared to land on runway 9-27.

Cessna: Great. How big is that runway?

Tower: 150 feet long and 10,000 feet wide.

stephen_s
07-11-2005, 04:17 PM
That's a good one.

Originally posted by SemiFreqFlyer@Jul 11 2005, 12:59 PM
Speaking of not new, I think I first heard the last one some time in the 1970's from my flight instructor.* It went like this:

Tower:* Cessna Student Pilot cleared to land on runway 18, wind 090 at 30 knots.

Cessna:* I don’t like that crosswind.* What are my runway choices?

Tower: We only have one runway, 18-36.

Cessna:* How big is it?

Tower:* 10,000 feet long and 150 feet wide.

Student Pilot:* I don’t like it.* I want another choice.

Irritated Tower:* OK Cessna, cleared to land on runway 9-27.

Cessna:* Great.* How big is that runway?

Tower:* 150 feet long and 10,000 feet wide.
3975

OzPilot
07-14-2005, 03:47 AM
Originally posted by SemiFreqFlyer@Jul 12 2005, 05:59 AM
Speaking of not new, I think I first heard the last one some time in the 1970's from my flight instructor.* It went like this:

Tower:* Cessna Student Pilot cleared to land on runway 18, wind 090 at 30 knots.

Cessna:* I don’t like that crosswind.* What are my runway choices?

Tower: We only have one runway, 18-36.

Cessna:* How big is it?

Tower:* 10,000 feet long and 150 feet wide.

Student Pilot:* I don’t like it.* I want another choice.

Irritated Tower:* OK Cessna, cleared to land on runway 9-27.

Cessna:* Great.* How big is that runway?

Tower:* 150 feet long and 10,000 feet wide.
3975

OzPilot
07-14-2005, 03:56 AM
(I apologise for the first 2 replies - it took me a while to figure out how to properly work the reply function!)

What you have described actually happened to me. It was my first flight as a student pilot in a Cessna 150 and there was a really good crosswind. So the instructor landed us across the runway. The runway was approx. 85 feet wide with a fair size verge on either side. We made it just fine.

What a great start!

NW CTC
07-14-2005, 11:21 AM
OZ Pilot -

Your experience demonstrates the importance of creativity as a pilot as well as skill - and no better time to learn that than right as you start out learning to fly!

Welcome to Tripso - I hope you'll enjoy the board.

OzPilot
07-14-2005, 04:27 PM
NW CTC

Thank you kindly for your welcome. I'm sure I shall enjoy the board. The skills that are necessary for knowing how to fly (safely), as well as airline travel as a passenger and observing human behaviour, teach you so much about the world. And the day you stop learning, ....

susanliber
07-15-2005, 02:20 PM
I just receive this one from a friend.....I never knew how many flying jokes there were out there!!!! :lol:




From the back of the plane, two men dressed in Pilots' uniforms walk up the
aisle.

Both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a guide dog, and the other is
tapping his way along the aisle with a cane. Nervous laughter spreads
through the cabin, but the men enter the cockpit, the door closes, and the
engines start up.

The passengers begin glancing nervously around, searching for some sign
that this is just a little practical joke.

None is forthcoming.

The plane moves faster and faster down the runway, and the people sitting
in the window seats realize they're headed straight for the water at the edge
of the airport territory.

As it begins to look as though the plane will plough into the water, panicked
screams fill the cabin. At that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air.

The passengers relax and laugh a little sheepishly, and soon all retreat into
their magazines, secure in the knowledge that the plane is in good hands.

In the cockpit, one of the blind pilots turns to the other and says, "You know,
Bob, one of these days, they're gonna scream too late and we're all gonna
die."