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sardine
10-29-2005, 08:04 PM
Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the
new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting software,
severely limiting access to wardrobe, flower, and jewelry applications that
operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. No mention of this phenomenon was
included in the product brochure.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalls many other valuable programs such as
Dinner Dancing 7.5, Cruise Ship 2.3, and Opera Night 6.1, and installs new,
undesirable programs such as Poker Night 1.3, Saturday Football 5.0, Golf 2.4,
and Clutter Everywhere 4.5.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and invariably crashes the system. Under no
circumstances will it run Diaper Changing 14.1 or House Cleaning 2.6. I’ve
tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix Husband 1.0, but this all-purpose utility is of
limited effectiveness.

Can you help, please? :unsure:

Jane

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Dear Jane:

This is a very common problem women complain about, but it is mostly
due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Boyfriend 5.0 to
Husband 1.0 with no idea that Boyfriend 5.0 is merely an ENTERTAINMENT
PACKAGE. However, Husband 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and was designed
by its creator to run as few applications as possible.

Further, you cannot purge Husband 1.0 and return to Boyfriend 5.0, because
Husband 1.0 is not designed to do this. Hidden operating files within your
system would cause Boyfriend 5.0 to emulate Husband 1.0, so nothing is
gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the
system, once installed. Any new program files can only be installed once per
year, as Husband 1.0 has severely limited memory. Error messages are common,
and a normal part of Husband 1.0. ;)

In desperation to play some of their "old time" favorite applications, or to get
new applications to work, some women have tried to install Boyfriend 6.0 or
or Husband 2.0. However, these women end up with more problems than
encountered with Husband 1.0. Look in your manual under "Warnings:
Divorce/Child Support." You will notice that this program runs very poorly,
and comes bundled with Heart Break 1.3.

I recommend you keep Husband 1.0, and just learn the quirks of this strange
and illogical system. Having Husband 1.0 installed, myself, I might also suggest
that you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs). This
is a wonderful feature of Husband 1.0, secretly installed by the parent company as
an integral part of the operating system. Husband 1.0 must assume ALL responsibility
for ALL faults and problems, regardless of root cause. To activate this great feature,
enter the command "C:\I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME." Sometimes Tears 6.2 must be
run simultaneously while entering the command. Husband 1.0 should then run the
applications Apologize 12.3 and Flowers/Chocolates 7.8.

TECH TIP:

Avoid excessive use of this feature. Overuse can create additional and more
serious GPFs, and ultimately YOU may have to give a "C:\I APOLOGIZE"
command before the system will return to normal operations. Overuse can also
cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, or worse yet, to Beer 6.0.
Beer 6.0 is a very bad program that causes Husband 1.0 to create Fat Belly files
and Snoring Loudly.wav files that are very hard to delete. Save yourself some trouble
by following this tech tip. Just remember! The system will run smoothly, and take the
blame for all GPFs, but because of this fine feature it can only intermittently run all the
applications Boyfriend 5.0 ran. Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have
limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. Consider buying additional
software to improve performance. I personally recommend Hotfoot 3.0, Lingerie 5.3,
and Patience 10.1. Used in conjunction, these utilities can really help keep Husband 1.0
running smoothly.

After several years of use, Husband 1.0 will become familiar and you will find
many valuable embedded features such as Fix Broken Things 2.1, Snuggling 4.2,
and Best Friend 7.6.

A final word of caution! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install
Mother-In-Law 1.0. This is not a supported application, and will cause
selective shutdown of the operating system. Husband 1.0 will run only
Fishing 9.4 and Hunting 5.2 until Mother-In-Law 1.0 is uninstalled.

I hope these notes have helped. Thank you for choosing to install Husband
1.0, and we here at Tech Support wish you the best of luck in coming years
We trust you will learn to fully enjoy this product!

Good luck!

Ruth
Tech Support

sardine
10-31-2005, 06:05 AM
Addendum:

I must admit that I have upgraded to Husband 3.0. :o
H 1.0 and H 2.0 were hopelessly flawed, and I had to
scrap them completely. :angry:

Husband 3.0's accounting software is a dream, but
Conversation 8.0 is still a problem, and Football 5.0
has been upgraded to Sports 12.4.

Generally speaking, however, the GPFs are rare, :D
and Husband 3.0 is as close to a perfect O/S as a woman
could find. By upgrading the hardware and the software,
I now have a model with an impressive hard drive and
lots of ram!

Sometimes upgrades are necessary! ;)