View Full Version : Outrageous Travel Tales
10-20-2005, 08:20 PM
Not looking for the horror stories--leave them for Chris to figure out. Just tell some outrageous stories....just have them remotely relate to travel....
I remember once I was on a plane and this elderly woman was seated next to me on her first flight. The rest of the plane was coming in and all of a sudden she starts to sweat like a pig and paw at the wall (bulkhead) in front of her in search of the barf bag. She was nervous and we had not even loaded the plane yet.
Well apparently this was also a cost cutting measure and there was not one, so a neigbor gave his to the woman who proceeded to blow chunks right next to me. Now if anyone knows me, I am a 100% sympathetic puker and all of a sudden, the urge to purge comes upon me.
But alas no bag in my pocket, and the neighborly neighbor was clean out at this point. So a mad dash to the jetway, pushing and shoving my way out and out the door and down the steps to the tarmac I went--of course with a FA and a baggage handler right on my ass. How freaking embarassing!
10-21-2005, 06:49 AM
Once on a trip to Cancun from Philadelphia, a overweigt lady went into the bathroom to change from the winter clothes to the much smaller than should be allowed resort wear...short shorts and a tank top before landing.
She came out of the bathroom and of course there was a line waiting for the bathroom and her boob was all hanging out of the side of the tank top. She noticed it by about row 16
So, there I was on my training ship at Texas A&M as the plumber's apprentice. Certainly not the same caliber as a Donald Trump apprentice, but it had about the same amount of glamour and prestige. My ship was old, like 1944 Victory/morgue ship old. So were all of the heads. These suckers had cracks in the porcelain and were barely hanging on through our 3-month Transatlantic roundtrip cruise. Well, when we arrived in Cork, Ireland we received a load of 15 commodes. It was the plumber's apprentice job to replace the heads and throw the old ones into Davy Jones' locker. Well, I became a celebrity of sorts when I decided to write the names of all the people I didn't like on the toilet in a black sharpie and hurl it overboard. Names like "The Yankees", "communists", "University of Texas", "Rush Limbaugh" were forever emblazoned on the commodes. It even made it on the ship's Plan of the Day - a daily letter issued to the crew to inform of drills, maintenance and meetings! Well, other people on the ship got into the act and would join me for a commode party - no s h i t!
So there we were - our last commode. You couldn't even tell it was white with all of the writing scrolled on the side. I'm talking about some serious names on there - "Pee Wee Herman, Elton John, University of Texas football team, Michael Jackson, Vinny Testaverde, David Koresh, Satan" - all in the mix! It was a 22-day journey back home with nothing but blue ocean all around us. We were some bored students. We decided to make the last commode disposal into a ceremony. We bowed our heads in respect and I launched the commode over the side. We were all high-fiving and laughing when someone noticed a stream of blood dripping from my hand. My first thought was that God was punishing me, but then I realized I had a very bad slice in my thumb. Broken porcelain is sharp! I immediately went to the see the doctor who put 8 sutures on my thumb and also put me into a sling to stop the aching, pulsing blood pumping through my thumb.
The next day the bottom line of the Plan of the Day said, "Gigs, are you going to be awarded a Purple Heart for being wounded by a porcelain projectile?"
Once again, the plumber's apprentice may not be the same caliber as Donald Trump's apprentice, but it does have the same amount of glamour and prestige.
10-21-2005, 07:39 AM
A former friend and I, while we were in college, decided t o take a mini cross-country vacation. He considered himself frugal. I considered him cheap. He basically didn't want to stay at any hotel/motel above Motel 6. He even wanted to sleep in the car if it meant saving money (we did that). On our way from San Francisco to San Diego, we needed a room. He spotted the Golden Penny Inn in Vallejo, California (no offense to those who live there). It advertised rates of $39.99 a night. Despite my reluctance, he insisted we stay there.
It turned out to be a welfare motel. You had "residents" airing out their laundry on the railing (and mattresses too), the air conditioning was in pieces on the floor, the mattresses had holes, and the wallpaper was peeling.
Needless to say, I insisted that we leave that place after one night (we planned on staying for two).
10-21-2005, 11:33 AM
A few years ago, I was sitting on a plane waiting to taxi out, when an announcement is made for Mr. Smith, to please come to the front of the plane. This usually means someone left their duty free items behind. A few more minutes and a couple of announcements later, we hear: "Mr. Smith, please come to the front of the plane. This flight is NOT going to Chicago".
10-21-2005, 02:31 PM
There Goes the WHAT?!
I have always had an offbeat sense of humor. While most people enjoy my style, others do not. A â€œfewâ€ years ago, I was on a flight from Los Angeles to Boston which was delayed due to a mechanical problem. Luckily, the problem was repaired, and we didnâ€™t have to go through the hassle of switching airplanes, which made a number of passengers nervous. :(
Young, fearless, and flippant, I was quite amused by the middle-aged woman sitting beside me, her face frozen with fear and her knuckles white from holding on to the armrest with all of the strength that she could muster. As we were climbing out over the San Bernardino Mountains, I looked out over the wing and said, â€œOops! There goes the wing!!!!â€ :o :o :o
I assumed that she would laugh along with me and lighten up a bit, but instead, she freaked out!!! This poor woman believed me! â€“ How to Become Persona Non Grata in an Instant 101! :angry:
Needless to say, it was going to be a long flight to Boston enduring my offended seatmateâ€™s evil stares; so, I decided to switch seats on a full airplane. I knew where one â€œunassignedâ€ seat was located, so I seized the opportunity. Off to the cockpit I went and made myself â€œcomfortableâ€ in the seat behind the Captain! The Boeing 707 (I told you this happened a â€œfewâ€ years ago!) had four seats in the cockpit. The seat behind the captain was not what you would call comfortable, but what a view! My ill-timed comment afforded me the perfect time to settle in and ride the cockpit from just outside of Los Angeles to just prior to landing in Boston.
The captain of that American Airlines 707 was a patient man who allowed me to sit behind him for the entire flight and answered my many questions as we flew across the United States. Today we have a class of service called â€œEconomy Plus.â€ Cockpit seating is what I consider to be â€œFirst Plus!â€ Unfortunately, we will never see that class of service again. I miss the â€œgood old days!â€
10-22-2005, 10:13 AM
Up to about a couple months ago, I used to think Singapore was the worlds greatest airline (since Emirates has such little US service). I was returning from a 2 day business trip to Germany, and was flying full-fare, paid business class. I get out the plane after the announcement (no sense in rushing if you aren't seated in economy class). I come to find out that there is a woman in my seat (eh, not the first time), I kindly ask her to move and she refuses, I get the FA over and she asks the woman to move as well and the seated woman keep yelling that she was told she could sit there. Come to find out, she was originally stuck in 52 B on (probably one of the worst seats in the world on a 747). At that point, the ground crew and security get called in (because I am getting angry, if it was a fellow business class flyer, it wouldn't have been an issue to switch seats). After security comes I AM REMOVED FROM THE PLANE! All this because everyone in the situation was from Singapore and I was the well-dressed white guy. Luckily, a quick stop at United got me on flights that got me back even sooner to my home airport :-) (hence everyone complains about UA, but the are my first choice) But in the end, I did get a letter of appology (form letter of course) from somebody in Singapore's CS office and 5000 miles "for my trouble."
10-22-2005, 11:24 AM
Years ago when many flights that had earphones allowed passengers to listen in on talk between the tower and all planes, I once heard the tower say "United 123 heavy, you're clear for takeoff. Climb to 1500 feet and take a right turn." A little while later, we all heard: "United 123 heavy... I said a RIGHT turn." That gave new meaning to the Yiddish term "oy vey!" I could imagine all those other pilots in planes in the area peering out of the windows for this United flight. That is equivalent to someone in a car entering an Interstate at 75 MPH driving the wrong way.
10-22-2005, 12:18 PM
Reminds me of another United/ATC conversation somewhere in flyover country, smooth air and an uneventful flight. Went something like this. We were at 33000 and ATC cleared us to 35000 (yes, unusual, but the 2000 foot difference is etched in my memory). "Roger, United 99 to 35."
I noted that we seemed to be climbing for an awfully long time and finally the controller noticed, as they have altitude information available. We hear, "United 99, where are you going?"
The plane immediately leveled out and then nosed into a gentle descent. And after a few moments of hesitation we hear our pilot respond, "Uh ... Philadelphia?"
10-22-2005, 04:05 PM
During Thanksgiving weekend of '96, I was travelling from PVD to GSP with a connection in LGA. There were no weather problems, but stupid Delta had overbooked so much that they were cancelling all GSP flights and rerouting the planes on other routes. (Granted GSP is basically a cow field that they land airplanes in...but still)
After they announced the cancellation the gate agents started rebooking and issuing hotel vouchers. They asked for first class passengers first, then special needs, then elderly, then families. Finally, they called for singles.
When my "group" was finally called, we were informed that all hotel rooms were booked so we'd have to stay in the airport all night. I was livid. I had paid just as much money (probably even more because it was a 7-day advance) as the other "groups."
I wouldn't have been so mad if I hadn't witnessed Delta giving families 2 rooms. Sorry, but four people--two adults and two kids--can stay in one room.
I wrote a nasty letter and all Delta sent me was $50 and a "we're sorry."
BTW...has anyone else ever heard of such a priority list for hotel rooms?
10-22-2005, 07:45 PM
I guess mine's pretty tame, but, I was staying at a Marriott resort once, and during the night, while I was fast asleep, someone opens my door. Luckily, I had the chain up (they seem to have gone away) and I was screaming and he was screaming back in an unknown language and I kept screaming as I heard him beat a hasty retreat. I called the front desk, the desk clerk says, "Have you been moved from another room?" "No, I've been in this room since I checked in 3 days ago." "Oh, well, we have you in room XXX." So, this explains why my phone hasn't worked since check-in.
10-22-2005, 08:34 PM
One time I was overnighting in Stansted Airport with my family at the Hilton. I was in the lobby getting some food for the sleepy kids and my wife (at the time) went to the room, walked in, set the suitcase down, turned on the light only to be greeted by the screams of a startled naked man.
Apparently he decided to stay another day and told the maid in the morning, but she never passed on the info and the room was reassigned.
Hey it happens.