Terry’s Travel OSTARs

by Terry Riley on February 22, 2006

It’s that time of year again, when the Hollywood millionaires get together to congratulate themselves and to pitch their movies to the rest of us, who support their limousine lifestyles. If past years serve as a guide, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences will attempt to lure us back to the Metroplex to pay extortion-rate prices for tickets, to cough up a ransom for a tub of “butter-flavored” popcorn and to fork over cash for a chance to share an armrest in the dark with some chick on her cell phone.

No thanks. I’ll wait for the DVD.

If you share my viewpoint, let me point you to some online creations that will satisfy your video cravings — at least until such time as “Brokeback Mountain” and “Capote” get released to your local Blockbuster store. I’ve picked out my faves and have included links to them here. I call these online oddments “Outstanding Snippets of Travel-Associated Recordings” or Terry’s Travel OSTARs.

To view these snippets on your computer, you’ll need something called a “plug-in” (whatever that is). If you don’t have an appropriate plug-in, you can download one from links I’ve listed below. Oh, and you better have a high-speed Internet connection. Otherwise, these miniproductions will take forever to load.

Here goes:

The OSTAR for Best driver’s training. (Parking those incredibly small cars you rent in Europe.)

The OSTAR for Best taxi alighting. (Puts a bad hair day in perspective.)

The OSTAR for Best idea to lower travel expenses. (Innovative way to cut fuel costs.)

The OSTAR for Best pilots. (Crews mistake Boeings for BMWs.)

The OSTAR for Best cartoon. (Miss the last bus and you’re stuck.)

The OSTAR for Best advertisement and infomercial. (Airline may run afoul of the AARP.)

The OSTAR for Worst acting. (It’s hard to top the movie “Airplane.” This clip shows why.)

The OSTAR for Best concept car. (If only all cars were this easy to park.)

The OSTAR for Best go-round. (Attempted landing that surely tightened some pucker strings.)

The OSTAR for Best all-inclusive tour. (The quickest way to see the Caribbean.)

The OSTAR for Worst hotel hygiene. (Yuck!)

The OSTAR for Best pickup move. (Let’s spend the night together.)

The OSTAR for Best airport security measures. (Ladies, enjoy.)

The OSTAR for Best ‘bird’ watching beach. (Don’t forget the sunblock and earplugs.)

The OSTAR for Best airport reception. (Moms can’t help it.)

The OSTAR for One big honkin’ plane. (A380 flies — somehow.)

The OSTAR for Best airline service. (Air travel the way it ought to be. Ladies, send your hate mail directly to me.)

The OSTAR for Best lesson about hitchhiking. (A 15-minute video with a lesson or two about hitchhiking.)

The OSTAR for Best airport-lounge jerks. (Cookie Monster goes to the airport.)

A special OSTAR for Best audio-only video. (No video here. Just radio spots for Sky High Airlines, the official airline of Err Travel.)

Finally, the OSTAR for The Best Overall. (After all these years, it’s still my fave.)

There you have it: my choices for the OSTARS. If you know of some candidates that I missed, please send them to me. I’ll enter them in the next awards competition. In the meantime, keep an eye out for that jumbo jet in your rearview mirror.

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