I get out of town a fair amount and consider myself to be in the top quartile of sophistication when it comes to knowing what’s what when traveling. But I am an ignoramus when it comes to bidets.
As a born-and-bred American, I had never come across bidets until I traveled to Europe after high school. There I was confronted with those curious fixtures that looked like toilets whose seats had gone missing. They also had peculiar bubblers in the middle.
As I traveled, I found several variations to this basic design, e.g., stereo water streams, stoppers in the basin, electronic controls. But what were they? Because they were always located in bathrooms, near the toilets, I could eliminate several possibilities: They were not for soaking dishes, nor were they water fountains for short people. Hmm. They could be foot baths, or they could be used to ice down beer, or they could be …
Ohmygawd! I got it!
Once I understood the purpose, however, I was still in the dark about the procedure — and have remained so all these years. I should say that I am no longer a teenager — in fact, far from it — but I have been baffled by bidets ever since. Certainly I could not be alone in my ignorance. There must be thousands — no, millions — of Western travelers who encounter these porcelain puzzles every year. So I decided to put an end to my ignorance and finally figure out how to use these contraptions.
Off to my local bookstore I trotted in search of clues, if not instructions. I first consulted Fodor’s guides. Nothing. So I turned to Frommer’s. Nada. Then Let’s Go, Lonely Planet and Rick Steves. Zip, zero, zilch.
Finally, as I was about to leave the travel book section, I plucked “Europe for Dummies” from the shelf for a quick flip-through. There in the index (listed, interestingly enough, between Bewley’s Cafe in Dublin and Biergarten Chinesischer Turm in Munich) I spotted “Bidet.” Turning to the appropriate page, I found a single paragraph with a description of the device and its intended use but still no operational instructions.
Finding little in the way of anything like a user’s manual for bidets on the bookshelves, I returned home and turned to the Internet. Searching “How to use a bidet,” I discovered the information I was looking for. In fact I found way more information about bidets, plumbing and perineal hygiene than I was looking for — or really cared to know.
So if you are among the millions of naive travelers and bathroom-goers who have wondered how to operate these mysterious fixtures, I’ve got the answer. But don’t call me. Instead go to eHow or wikiHow. There you will find the straight poop on using bidets. (Hint: You may want to avoid reviewing this information during your lunch break.)
Having studied the operational information I’ve now found, I may or may not give these bidet gizmos a whirl, but one thing is certain: I’m for sure finding another way to ice down my beer.
{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }
Terry: Bidets are wonderful additions in the WC. You should study their history in order to have a full understanding of their utility. Not all Europeans had access (or time) to bathe or shower between social meetings.
In the meantime, there are those of us who find them extremely useful for washing underwear. And socks!
You could have easily obtained the information you needed by simply asking a friend of Italian origin; bidets (despite their French name) are a standard fixture in Italian bathrooms and certainly Italians know what to do with it…………..
But which way do you face? to the wall or away from the wall. If away from the wall you have to have very long arms to reach the controls — but run the risk of a wet shirt/skirt back. If towards the wall???
Yes, Terry, you could have asked some in-the-know European, but if you had we would not have this very funny piece to read. Thanks for a good laugh to start my day.
99% of brazilians homes have bidets
- but I am still to find someone – anyone – who uses it
what I do find is people to tear them down and place something else there,
a longer cabinet sink, a plant, whatever …
I guess it is a matter of history,
people from colder places are used to wash their parts
instead of showering,
and brought the habit to the tropics when we were a colony …
If you are looking for a bed and breakfast with Bidets in the use. The Silver Spurce in Schroon Lake NY has about 6 rooms equiped with bidets. Generally the inn keeper keeps them turned off because most guests do not know how to use them.
6 comments so far but not one answer to the question.
Must be no one knows, but it would be an insult to not have one.
The Bidet: The appendix of home appliances. You should have one but we don’t know what you’ll do with it.
The bidet was an indispensable object in old times when hotels did not have bathrooms. In fact no hotel room coul;d be rented without it. However,it still is extremely useful to bathe babies, refresh your hind parts without taking your shoes off/bathe your feet after strenuous walks, etc.etc. For “quickies”, before or after a bed interlude,it sure beats a bathtub.
I guess maybe for some it can be subject to personal perference, but in general, folks sit in them the same way they would a toilet – back to the wall. Hope this helps.