The thought of spending 11 hours in a locked and upright position didn’t put Elyse Weiner in a good mood. But you wouldn’t have known it.
“I was leaving Venice for New York and found that my airline seat was broken,” recalls Weiner, who runs a Manhattan-based podcasting company. “I explained my problem to the flight attendant, but he became angrier and angrier, yelling that ‘nowhere in your agreement with our airline does it say you get to have a seat that works.’ ”
As the crewmember grew more agitated, Weiner had the opposite reaction: She turned nice.
Extra nice.
“I stayed calm and smiled,” she remembers. She also offered to pay for a better seat by redeeming frequent flier miles.
It worked. After the confrontation, another flight attendant quietly moved her to business class. No extra charge.
At a time when pleasantness and politeness seem to be in such short supply in the travel business, being nice can take you a long way.
I should know. A few weeks ago, I arrived at Chicago’s O’Hare airport a little early and vaulted to the top of the standby list on a flight to Orlando by being extra polite to the gate agent and cracking a joke. I still can’t believe it.
That got me thinking: Is politeness a new form of currency in the travel world? Could a smile or an act of kindness be more effective in getting preferential treatment than elite-level status or the amount of money you paid for your airline ticket, rental car or hotel room?
I can almost hear some of the elite travelers out there snorting with disdain. No, you’re probably saying to yourselves, we deserve to be treated better than the tourists, no matter how we behave. But the rest of you know I’m on to something.
Question is, how do you get what you want by being nice? I asked travelers and the folks behind the counter to share their tips. Here’s what they told me:
1. Remain calm.
When a flight is delayed or a hotel loses your reservation, no one can blame you for losing your cool. But don’t, say people in the know. Try going the other way. Don Schmincke, a writer and professional speaker, recalls an overseas flight on which he and his partner received seat assignments that weren’t together, making it impossible to get any work done. “Typical response: start yelling,” he says. His response? Calmly and politely express concern to the gate agent. “She said ‘just get your boarding pass and I’ll meet you at the gate,’ ” he remembers. “She showed up at the gate with two side-by-side seats — in first class.” Somehow, I think a scolding wouldn’t have gotten him the same seats.
2. Find the silver lining.
It’s there. Sometimes you have to look for it. Jennifer Walsh finds that a favorable comment about a ticket agent’s outfit or jewelry will, at the very least, elicit a smile and a “thank you.” And that’s a good start. Just last week she was trying to get a seat on an early flight from New York to Florida, which was jam-packed with passengers. A gate agent held the power over her plans. “I complimented her on her outfit and asked her how her week was,” she says. (A kind word about your appearance means a lot coming from Walsh: She’s a nationally known beauty consultant.) Needless to say, she made the flight.
3. Compare and contrast.
Problem customers are plentiful. Sometimes, all you have to do is point out that you aren’t one of those people to get your way. For example, when Dan Lovejoy checked into an upscale hotel in Boston that was being renovated, he overheard another guest making a series of requests, “not rudely, but pretty demanding,” he says. She was given the key to a room in the older part of the hotel. “When the clerk asked me my preferences, I said, ‘I’m traveling alone for a conference. I don’t have any special needs — just put me wherever,’ ” he recalls. “When she handed me my key, she said, ‘I’ve put you in a newly-renovated room. We like to be nice to people who aren’t difficult.’ ”
4. Show a little empathy.
Think about the employees. When you’re likely to need a favor (like, when a flight is canceled or a hotel is overbooked) imagine what a terrible day they’re having. How about letting them know that you feel for them? Lynne Lambert, who owns an apparel business in Chappaqua, N.Y., remembers a recent canceled flight where “every passenger was trying to rebook a different flight.” She approached a ticket agent, and instead of making demands, she started the conversation with, “You must be having a rough day.” (Note: it’s important not to sound patronizing when you do this. Either be genuine or don’t say anything.) It worked for Lambert. “I got on the standby list and flew out on the last flight of the night,” she remembers.
5. Flatter ’em.
It will get you everywhere. Well, almost everywhere. Employees respond well to “attaboys” because at some travel companies, praise is dished out sparingly. Author Barry Maher says he goes out of his way to tell a ticket agent or hotel worker when they’re doing good work. “I’ll say something like ‘Wow, I can’t believe what a great job you’re doing handling this. You’re really exceptional at what you do,’ ” he says. “Guess who’s most likely to get the next available seat, fairly frequently in first class?”
6. Be a volunteer.
Being nice to other travelers can get you ahead. In researching this story, I found plenty of examples of passengers who agreed to move to accommodate other travelers who wanted to sit together, or yielded to someone with a disability who needed their seat, and that often led to preferential treatment by the crew, which noted the sacrifice. “The passenger who is willing to wait for the next flight and give up their seat is more likely to get the business class seat on the next flight,” says Natalie Hjelsvold, a flight attendant for a Canadian airline. “They are given a future travel credit along with a seat that would have cost them hundreds of dollars more — just for being nice.”
Ready to go out there and charm the socks off the travel industry?
Not so fast. Remember, you’re dealing with people who are in the business of dealing with people. They can spot a fake, so they’ll be able to sniff out any insincerity immediately.
So be genuine.
You’d think that rude behavior would get you absolutely nowhere when you travel, but that wouldn’t be entirely accurate, either.
That’s a topic for next week’s column.
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Most importantly, if you are polite, even if there is no EXTERNAL reward, you have the satisfaction of knowing that you have behaved well in difficult circumstances, rather than throwing a tantrum like a 2 year old!
This article is SO true. And when someone is getting testy with me, I often say something sympathetic lin a kind tone of voice ike-”Gosh, you have such a tough job, dealing with people all the time. I bet you deal with some real pieces of work. Is there any way I can help make this experience better for YOU?” It is amazing how this can owrk. Also, dressing in nice clothes (not flashy, cheesy or over the top-just quite and classy) and presenting a smiling calm demeanor can go a long way. I NEVER dress in anything but quiet business casual when I travel, even on vacation, and I am convinced that it helps project a better image.
Chris, you are absolutely right in these approaches. Only caveat: one must be genuine, as the airline people will see right through those who are faking it.
I had a great experience on one trip. Flying into CVG on a Delta 737, sitting in 6D – the row behind the bulkhead row. As we neared CVG, a flight attendant came forward and asked if anyone in the bulkhead row would move back to the middle of the plane to allow a woman who had a very tight connection (and we were a little late) the opportunity to exit the plane quickly. No one moved, so I told her I would exchange seats with the lady. I got the expected thank you and smile, and went ahead and changed my seat. When I boarded my connecting flight, I was surprised to see the same cabin crew working my flight as had been on the inbound. Guess who got the only open FC seat?
Dana Baldwin
Being polite can work wonders just about anywhere. I recently attended a quite posh wedding in East Hampton, New York. While many of the guests treated the servers like, well, servants, my cousins and I were brought up to say “Thank you.” At first the servers seemed taken aback, but then they smiled. For the rest of the coctail hour, we “poor relations” got first crack at the hors d’oeuvres and were treated like royalty during dinner.
I try to be nice to others as a general rule. I found out years ago that it can pay off in travel, too. Years ago, after a flight from Sydney, our group landed in LA only to find out that all our reservations had been canceled. We had been gone for 2 1/2 weeks and everyone wanted to get home. As the ticket agents were trying to get us all on to flights, I said that since I had no small children nor a job that required me to be there immediately that they should put me at the bottom of the list. I was an inexperienced traveler then and wasn’t saying this with any idea that it would benefit me–just because it was the truth. Well, I was put on a flight in first class. I was told that the reason was my willingness to be put last. People in service jobs are like anyone else. We all like to be treated respectfully. And being human, they also like to be nice to those who have not made their job more difficult.
A few years ago, a buddy and I flew out of Anchorage to IAH on Continental. My buddy lives in Houston, while I would connect back home to Cleveland. I have status, he doesn’t. The oversold announcement came; they needed one volunteer. I volunteered and told the gate agent my schedule was open. Well, she worked various routes and schedules while we joked around with her. At the 30 minute mark, she got a notice that not only did they not need a volunteer, but that my upgrade came through. She said that since we had been so nice and patient, she upgraded my friend as well.
My husband and I once moved so a family, including a small child,- could sit together – I joked that being married meant we saw enough of each other. The cabin crew (which seemed a little frustrated about not getting the family together until we figured out what they were trying to do and offered) seemed really relieved. They were particularly attentive to us throughout the flight, offering us extra drinks. Since I’m a caffiene addict, this was a great thank you!
I have told customers for years that the way you get better treatment from anyone during difficult times is to start out nice and polite. If that doesn’t work, you can always become a jerk. If you start out as a jerk, it is very hard to become nice and polite and get the same sort of help.
I once watched a guy at the check in podium rant and rave about how he had to have a specific seat. He was still there when I boarded. After a while I saw a airline customer service representative coming down the aisle with this guy in tow. I was disappointed because it meant that this guy’s behavior was going to be rewarded. The customer service rep got to the row where this guy wanted to be seated, addressed two elderly ladies and explained that this “gentleman” needed to be seated in one of their seats. The rep then asked them if they wouldn’t mind moving seats so he could have the seat. When the ladies agreed, the rep said “if you will point out your belongings I will take them up to first class and stow them by your new seats.” The guy hears this and says “I would have taken first class!” to which the rep replied “You wanted this seat, you got it.” and then escorted the two ladies to the front of the plane.
I’m sure that had he been polite to start with, he would have been in first class. Hopefully he took the lesson to heart.
Frequently, I like to joke with the gate agent or the hotel clerk checking me in and say “If it will help, I guess I can give up my seat and fly first class” or “If it will help, I can give up my room for a suite.”
Rarely do I get anything more than a smile or a chuckle, but at least I added some levity to someone’s day.
It’s sad that we have to read on the internet something that should be common for everyone – manners.